Has anyone ever told you about being selfish?
I turned to Urban Dictionary as it affectionately defines “selfish” as:
“When you have a huge amount of interest invested in yourself; usually
before the interest of others.”
Now, please do not confuse selfishness with greed. I am talking about the selfishness that you feel when you have that epiphany one day when you are stumbling out of bed like a drunk toddler after your 17 snoozed alarms, put dry shampoo in your hair, smudge over yesterday’s mascara, can’t find your keys and you try to put your jeans on.
Then they rip. Yeah, I said it. THEY RIPPED. Right there in the inner thigh. Staring at myself in the mirror, not sure if I was more upset that I didn’t have another pair of black jeans (let’s be real, black is slimming, right?) or that I allowed this to happen to myself. There I stood. 5’5″. 165lbs. I felt awful in my own skin. Heaviest I have ever been. None of my clothes fit well or hardly at all. I was weak. Sluggish. Unhappy. I was not who I wanted to be.
Emotionally recovering from a broken heart (Let’s call the ex “Mierda”. Maybe more about that later), I allowed myself to fall into this routine where I was spiraling out of control.
I did not think.
I did not plan.
I did not take care of myself.
–> Drinking alcohol EVERY night (not just ONE glass of wine, I’m talking multiple drinks)
–> Not working out at all or caring about my health
–> Staying up late every night
–> Waking up late every morning
–> Being late for work every morning
–> Not cooking at home
–> Eating fast food and unhealthy foods and binging until I would feel sick
–> Wearing baggy clothes to cover where I had gained weight
–> AND the list goes on…
I did not even realize it was happening… Until that rip in my black jeans.
Who was I? I did not even recognize myself.
How was I allowing this other human aka Mierda to have such CONTROL over me and my life?
Was he really that important?
After weeks and weeks of this behavior and after gaining a good 20 pounds over months of dealing with the heartache due to Señor Mierda… I snapped out of it. (I will go into more detail another time…)
So, what did I do?
I wrote down who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, and how I could to get there.
I discovered and became a LadyBoss. ( www.ladyboss.com ).
Really, Señor Mierda was not the one holding me down. It was ME.
I was feeling sorry for myself. He had already let me go.
I was the only one holding myself down.
He was no where to be found. So…
Fuck his needs.
Fuck him for not wanting what I want .
Fuck him for not caring about me enough.
Fuck him for not loving me enough.
All I was focused on was me AND him.
Like we were in this together.
Like he loved me like I loved him.
(Boy, was I WRONG)…
I made the decision to be selfish.
I made the decision to be in control.
From then on, it is only me.
Positive vibes for me. My health. My happiness. My future.
–> Things I wish others told me but I learned
–> Recipes and food
–> Poetry aka my word vomit
–> City adventures
–> Fashion, makeup, beauty
–> Fan girling over music/bands/movies/tv shows
–> Fitness inspiration, workout ideas, healthy lifestyle
–> Whatever else my brain comes up withReal life, uncensored, told from the heart and soul of me.My good friend named me Stila Tequila. (Due to my love of makeup and margaritas).
IT IS OKAY TO BE SELFISH FOR YOUR OWN WELL BEING and HEALTH.Be selfish with me.
Or GTFO. ❤
CURRENT SONG: “Control” by Halsey