Blogs, Health & Fitness, Relationships

Clarity. πŸ‘“

This has been an important week for me emotionally.

Number one,Β Fall Out Boy released their tour dates and a new single. I bought tickets for their show! It will be the eighth time seeing them live. I am sure I have a problem.. But who cares! Probably listened to their new single a million times already. Sorry to everyone in advance that I am torturing with this. ​

I have quite the line up in the next few months: Train, 30 Seconds to Mars, Muse, Matchbox Twenty, Cirque du Soleil and now Fall Out Boy! ❀

Number two,Β aΒ lot of anxiety existed in my mind this week due to certain events I won’t go into detail about. (*cough SeΓ±or Mierda cough*) Does he even know the anxiety he causes and he’s not even around?! LOL. The day came and passed and I was relieved. I since made the decision to block certain people and negative things from my life that caused me this anxiety.. Something I’ve done before but always relapse.

Really it has been an internal struggle of “what ifs” and “but thisΒ couldΒ happen” … but in realityΒ will not happen.. And that isΒ okay.

That final line was drawn, understandably, but painfully.. And it will never be crossed. I know that now.Β Those who want to be in my life will find a way to be here. Those who don’t want to be in my life,Β simply will not.Β 
BUT I AM OKAY and ready to live my life, whatever it may bring.
Baby steps.Number three, I some how managed to convince my best friend to travel with me last minute and take some much needed time for ourselves to Chattanooga, TN.Β We ate Mexican food and drank (way too much) margarita for Cinco de Mayo.Saturday morning, we made it to Rock City in Lookout Mountain. We got our tickets and had to write our names down for our passes. I wrote them and when the attendant returned with our passes, we realized our names had both been spelled incorrectly. We laughed so hard we cried.Β We took on our new “alias” names and proceeded into the attraction.Nothing beats those candid moment. The laughs. The smiles. The genuine joy. Nothing beats a good Fudge Kitchen or seeing Archer characters in real life! (haha!) Traveling off the trail for photo ops and walking over swinging bridges of doom.When was the last time you adventured outside?!

It was a beautiful experience and we vowed to go back as soon as we possibly can considering it is so close to where we live. It took us about two hours with Atlanta traffic. (We all know Atlanta is famous for traffic! Looking at you Snowpocalypse and the more recent I-85 collapse).

Really the point I am trying to get to is CLARITY. I feel free from the emotional train wreck that was keeping me anchored down. Now, don’t get me wrong, that ghost will linger distantly.. But each day, it drifts further and further away. Love never dies though. I think I am okay with that and where I am now. Finally.

Today is the start of WEEK FOUR of my journey. Day 22. Week three, I killed the gym but diet was not good. Saturday, I ate a greasy burger, fries, drank coke and had chocolate ice cream in Chattanooga.

​I mean, we were on vacation, right?! I regretted how it made me feel lethargic, bloated, greasy! I have not weighed myself in weeks and have no plans on it..Honestly I’m scared of that thing. Yikes.

Anyone else feel the same way or am I crazy? I’d rather go by how I see progress pictures and how my clothes fit!

When I got home from Chattanooga, I didn’t make plans so I could relax and enjoy some alone time (which I rarely get these days). I wanted nothing more than to lay on the couch, watch Netflix (almost done with The Flash!), and be lazy!

BUT I got my ass up at 9PM, even though I was about to fall asleep on the couch, and I felt gross from the food. I wanted to take pre-workout but if I took it then I definitely would not sleep. THE STRUGGLE.Β I went to the gym and killed my leg workout anyway.

I. Felt. So. Much. Better. Stronger. Proud.

Sunday morning (this morning), IΒ woke upΒ feeling energized and hit the gym again for cardio, shoulders and back. I had to stay for extra cardio because my gym husband showed up right when I was finishing my workoutΒ (let’s call him Clark Kent) and I wanted to stick around to see and beΒ seen… πŸ˜‰

Actually I don’t think he knows I exist. *dreams*

These past few days, I have felt so empowered and strong. Fearless. Simply happy. And I have a freezer full of Halo Top. There is no stopping me! Unless it comes to hanging heavy art work. In that case, I have my roommate. LOL. Positive vibes. Positive thoughts. Positive words.. Turn into positive outcomes. Yassssss!

​Watch out world, Stila is here.Β Let’s get it! WEEK FOURRR! ❀

xoxo,
Stila Tequila

Fave Song right now:
Young and Menace by Fall Out Boy
​(Like I said, I have a problem!)

“Woke up on the wrong side of reality
And there’s a madness that’s just coursing right through me
And as far as the time, far as the time
Not sure I’m there yet but I’m certain I’ve arrived

Oops, I did it again,
I forgot what I was losing my mind about
I only wrote this down to make you press rewind
And send a message I was young and a menace

If I am off the deep end
I’m just here to become the best yet
I’m just here for the psych assessment
I’m just here for the, for the…
Fall.”

 

 

2 thoughts on “Clarity. πŸ‘“”

  1. Really glad and proud at hoe positive you’re staying and how hard you’re working! Never give up. When you don’t want to do it, do it. Like you said, it makes you feel so much better and happier with yourself.

    Like

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